Your child grows up, finds someone to share their life with, and eventually has their own baby, giving you the incredible gift of being a grandparent.
You’ve been planning for this…..for decades. You’ll take your grandchild fishing, camping, shopping, sporting events, church, school functions and anything your heart desires. You will bond with your grandchild like no other has ever done before!
However you soon face the reality that you aren’t this child’s only grandparent. In fact if you are a divorcee, and your child married one who also has divorced parents, this grandchild has 8 grandparents….eight…..
Competitions between two sets of grandparents can be disastrous but four?
While our seasoned family members battle it out, the child’s parents probably want to escape to an undisclosed location and hide from all the chaos to start their family in peace.
And the average grandparent may not play fair. If they live closer to the child or have the means to spoil them silly while you don’t, how do you survive the grandparent gauntlet?
Here’s what I suggest….
Know what you’re up against
You can manage the gauntlet easier if you know what and who you’re up against. Knowing the other grandparents may have similar aspirations and will bond with your newest family member will allow you to have a more practical perspective of the situation and avoid surprises.
Let the parents be in control of how their family and children spend their time
New parents have their own aspirations as well. They will want to start creating their own family traditions and become the new “nucleus” around which the world revolves. There are going to be juggling careers, child rearing, finances, and more, so in-law and parent pressures will be unwelcomed.
So, let your children know that you understand the grandparent gauntlet can be stressful on them and you want to ensure they don’t have that additional stress from your side and that you are there to help. Which brings us to….
Give the parents what they NEED and not what you want
Your best strategy for being close to the kids is offering the help the parents truly need. They may need baby sitting, a weekend get away, transportation, advice, furniture, musical instruments, etc. so don’t inject what you want, but offer and provide what they need.
Start a college/bonds or savings account for your grandchildren
You might not be able to get as much time or build as many memories as you wish but you can establish something for the child that they will be able to use well after childhood.
Pace your savings or bond purchases at first because if you do end up having multiple grandchildren you want to ensure you have saved for all of them. No matter what amount, your grandchild will really appreciate what you did and saved for them all these years.
Don’t badmouth the other grandparents
Children remember negativity. They will not appreciate that someone else whom they love is disliked by you. Take the high road and show you appreciate all the special people in their lives.
It all isn’t about the gifts
Kids get inundated with toys and clothes, which are great gifts no doubt, but there are other ways you can make an impact, even if you don’t live in town.
These include:
- Going to their games or recital when you do come to visit
- If the grandchild has a birthday party or event to go to while you’re in town, don’t make them cancel but go with them
- Dropping them off or picking them up from school those days you’re in town
- Helping them with their homework in person or online
- Making a family cookbook with all their favorite foods
- Work on a project with them such as a model car, painting, pottery, garden, etc.
- Create a funny story, poem or picture
- Decorate holiday stockings, ornaments or other traditional items
- Teaching them how to fish, camp, sew, cook and other fun activities
A grandparent’s role in the family is one of the most important. You have the wisdom, the history, the stories, the love, the time and the undying loyalty to that child. Don’t worry…..your grandchild will always love you and any memory you make with them will count and be remembered. So make sure they are good ones!
Dr. Daliah 
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